Breakfast of Champions

I always knew I had potential. At least, that's what my mom would tell me. So, from a young age I've held myself to high standards. Yet, I've never truly felt like I've fulfilled my potential. Sure, I've done well in school, received a degree from a good college, had some measure of success in sports, gone on a long-ass hike; still that's all left me with an unfulfilled feeling. There was still something missing from my life...

That is, until I reached Seiad Valley. Seiad Valley is the last California town along the PCT, a mere 30 miles from the Oregon-California border. This PCT metropolis of 600 people is famous among hikers and even known among larger circles. The reason for this: the 5 lb pancake challenge, featured as #3 on the Travel Channel's 10 greatest US pig outs. The deal is this: the local chef will make you 5 1lb pancakes for free! That is, if you can eat them all in 2 hours. Its a lot of pancake batter, about a gallon to be precise. Hikers, being the cocky eaters we are, always attempt the feat yet it is rarely accomplished. Something like 2 people in the past 4 years have done it. So, of course Panther and I had to try.

My strategy was simple: eat as fast as I could and get down as many pancakes as possible, then struggle through the remainder with sheer will and determination. What surprised me is that it actually worked. Before I started feeling terrible, I had down 4 oversized pancakes and was waiting on my fifth. I have pictures of that point; they're not flattering. But Dave, the guy making the pancakes, held up a muscle shirt proclaiming "I survived the pancake challenge" that would be my prize, spurring me through to 41/2. At that point a small crowd had started to gather in the restauraunt and Dave's son Wess was running around with the victor camera proclaiming: "he's gonna do it, I think he's really gonna do it!". By that time my saliva glands had stopped functioning, but how could I dissapoint such a cute kid? You've never seen such a wonderful display of sheer gluttony.

Completing the pancake challenge certainly made my trip South more interesting; I got plenty of congratulations from all the hikers I met. I really attribute all to my brilliant strategy. Funny thing is that Panther, even though he looked like he was going to hurl on pancake number three, not only completed the challenge but ate 5 eggs to boot. You can imagine the godlike reputation he now holds on the trail.

Thus, I've made my name on the trail and finally feel fulfilled in my life's journey. Guess I can stop hiking now, right? Fat chance...

-Bear Bait